I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
