We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
