Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
