New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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