Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
