Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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