Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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