so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
