A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
