You're completely useless in the revolution.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
