I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
