How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
