I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
