i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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