I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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