in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
