Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
