hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize