I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
