He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
