Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
