The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
