I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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