what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize