and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
