I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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