I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
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