I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
