Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
