you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
