So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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