I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
