That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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