He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
