Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
drinking out of a sandbucket again
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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