grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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