Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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