My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize