It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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