i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
