PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
