Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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