Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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