i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
