so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
