Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
