i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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