Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
