I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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