I want to walk on stilts...naked
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
