my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize