the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
