I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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