we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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