morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
