I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
