Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
