If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
