Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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