yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
