i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
