I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She bit a glass in half.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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