We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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