we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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