Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
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