did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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