what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
