I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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