pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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