if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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