i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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